Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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