She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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