Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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