I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
