That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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