Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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