it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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