Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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