come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
