I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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