Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
