Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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