if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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