is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
