u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
