Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
