i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
