I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
