i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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