I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
