I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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