Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
