i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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