...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
