Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
