I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
