my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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