My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
