She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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