so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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