I wanna bring you to show and tell
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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