just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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