just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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