Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
