you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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