So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We don't watch enough power rangers
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
