i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
