Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
