Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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