Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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