I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
