hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
