DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
