I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Everyone says I win the strip club
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
