I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
