recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
birth control should be required to get into college
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
