Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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