Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
