My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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