i wish my penis had a tongue
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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