Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
