So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
