I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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