i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
