Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
