Girls should come with a carfax report
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
