4 words: hood of his car
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
