I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
