Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
