So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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