dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
