Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Let's paint friendship bongs
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
