you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
