Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
