how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Randomize
