So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
