I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
