sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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