I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
