I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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