I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's like iHOP with fire
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
