weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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